An open letter to the person responsible for sending pornography to my daughter,
We have never met. I don’t know your name. I have never seen your face and right now the only connection I have to you is the email address you hide behind.
When I woke up this morning I never anticipated I would be staring at my screen through blurry angry tears as my fingers fumbled while googling how to report an attempt to send explicit websites to a minor. That being said, if living through 2020 thus far has taught us anything, it's that it is often the unexpected bomb dropped on an average Tuesday afternoon which sends us running for cover when we least expect it.. However, for some it also serves as the catalyst that ignites our own primitive and protective fire.
PSA: You threw a match in my direction today.
When a parent decides to purchase a phone for their child it is usually for various reasons. Some are personal-some are not. I will venture to assume the one reason most of us choose to do so is with some sort of safety measure in mind. As a child who was given the gift of growing up in the 80’s, my parents allowed us a great deal of freedom in the days of summer. “Just be home before dinner” echoed over our shoulder as we ran out of house-the screen door slamming behind us. After I left my mom did not have any way to get in touch with us (unless she called Mrs. McMahon on her land line). She assumed we were safe. And although it was not some grand utopian world then-most of us always were. Most of us ended up sweaty and worn out back home in front of the dinner table-and we would do it all over again the next day.
I am so envious of my parents and that sense of security-false or not. Admittedly so, they did not spend nearly as much time debating whether or not it was dangerous to allow us to ride our bikes from neighborhood to neighborhood. They were not routinely faced with the reality some parents are today that some of those bikes would not come back with the children who rode them away.
The man in the white van? Chances are he used his van to sell popsicles-and that was it.
So fast forward to a day in the life as a parent in 2020 and we still have the same desire to allow our kids to BE kids...to explore the outdoors and healthy moments away out from underneath our parental wingspan . However, safe to say we are also inundated with worry due to the reality we are faced with. So maybe we get them a phone when the time is right. We think this at least this way they can stay in touch with us while they are out and about. They are "within reach" when we need to get in touch with them. We expect them to check in when they get to the place they are going. We can take a breath. It gives us a lifeline to ensure they are “safe”. We allow them to innocently use it for apps like Roblox or Minecraft and other age appropriate social outlets. Then you figure out how to use them for your perverse gain.
Today you attempted to shatter that safety for my daughter. I’m sure she’s not the first one targeted and will not be the last.
Let me tell you a little about me. I am the daughter of two strong and loving parents who not only taught me to "use my head", but who also encouraged me to also use my heart to see the best in my neighbor-or perhaps a stranger. The ability to utilize both is something that I’m very proud of and in part makes me the person I am today. When openly challenged I don’t expect that to change any time soon-even in times where I bear witness to so much hate and quick judgements of another’s character-because of what they stand for........or choose to kneel for.
Today you attempted to shake down that part of me as her mother, her safe-keeper, her grandfather's fierce legacy. In part, you are responsible for my second guessing of the intentions of the next man (or adult stranger) that walks by my child and smiles in her direction tomorrow.
I don't know how you got her number. I don't know if at some point she clicked on something in an app and her number was lumped into some group as a result or whether it was some elaborate attempt to fish out young girls on purpose by hacking into those apps on their phone. That is up to the professionals I have turned your contact information over to to determine. What I do know is that I’m not going to stand by quietly and not use the voice I was given to speak out against you and every other sick individual in this world who derives pleasure from pedophilia, child pornography or engages in sex trafficking of minors.
Today I stand against you. I stand up for children who can't stand up for themselves and the parents who can't stand as they are left falling to their knees in pain overwhelmed with the grief over the loss of their son or daughter, or at very least, the innocence that was stolen. I stand with the survivors and the warriors who refuse to let you hide in the dark.
But before you assume I haven’t had several talks with all of my daughters about their online safety and protecting themselves, or what to do if they were ever in a situation of harm, you’re wrong. I'm the very reason she came to me today. I’m the mom that has every parental control I am aware of enabled.. Will I catch everything? No. Will I do my very best in an ever changing era of technology and threats to children? You’re damn right I will. I am also not naïve enough to believe that our kids are not exposed to a lot of images and situations well beyond what their respective ages are ready for. However, you don't get to add to that from behind your screen-and I can only imagine it's even harder behind bars.
No parent should ever have to explain to their elementary aged child the reasons behind why they would be sent something like this.. Not now. With all that we are being faced with in the present world we live in-I planned to get there one day-just not on this particular Tuesday. It breaks my heart to wonder how many parents of children that have been abducted and or lost to sex trafficking over the years also had that same conversation, initiated those same safety measures and even so to this day feel like they didn’t do enough. If only they could’ve said or done more....or been there to save them from predators like you.
Let me make this very clear… my daughter's body is not one for you to objectify and her mind is not one for you to manipulate. Not today. Not ever.
If you think for one minute our humanity as a whole is so broken and beyond repair because many people are so divided/preoccupied in sensitive times that we will not be able to come together to fight this battle-you're wrong. I know there are so many more fighters like me. Mothers who are fueled with fury like me. Fathers who will unmask you at all costs-no pun intended.
So as I close this letter I encourage you to brush up on a few National Geographic episodes that depict a situation in which a mother bear is forced to protect her cubs against the enemy. Observe what happens. Or perhaps study the female elephant tribe that forms a protective circle around the calf when a threat is presented-even if it is not their own. Underestimate the lengths that we will go to to keep our children safe and that will be your second mistake......
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