Putting ourselves in check....mate. Part 1

okkkk....Imma bout to drop some truth bombs (and maybe a few bad words-sorry Nana Sandy).

I will never claim to have all the answers in this game of life-especially when it comes to parenting (just don’t tell Jared I admitted that). However there are a few things I think I am starting to get more than a decade and three plus 3 kids later.

This week many of us were faced with the decision of whether or not our kids would go back to school as we know it. Surveys went out and some schools sent out 38 page documents filled with different scenarios and options. Regardless of your zip code, seemingly every parent I have spoken to has varying feelings about what course of action to take. I know that the stress of making this decision has taken the toll not only on us as parents, but also our kiddos. . For some, this is a tough call to make-and perhaps maybe not as much as a towel ringer for others.

Here's the thing-It's ok to feel either way. No one is judging you…...oh but wait-log on to any social media platform and you can betchur fine ass they in fact are.

I am coming to you today to plead-enough already. Have we not ALL taken a whoopin’ that would make any kid that lived through a parent in the 80’s proud? In fact, that handprint is likely still all over both butt cheeks as we are far from able to sit down with ease quite yet while the effects of this vile virus leaves it's mark. This phase in our lives is much like when you knew you were in deep shit from smacking the little bruh and Mom walks in and uses the line "Just wait until your Dad gets home". Instant diarrhea provoking anxiety floods over you as the clock nears the time Dad usually walks in the door. Not knowing what was lying in wait was enough to make anyone want to chew 5 Xanax faster than Lard Ass ate his pie in the movie Stand by Me.

I am sooo tired of us spewing all over one another and our different beliefs or stance from anything regarding politics to playgrounds. Aren’t we exhausted from everything ranging from virtual Facebook wars to the actual ones on the streets? Our friendships, relationships and virtues are dying in front of our eyes faster than Covid cases are rising and-in my opinion-will end up making us more sick as community than any virus will in the long run. Before you think I sprouted white wings, I am here to admit I am guilty of this as well. When I read or see something that triggers my frustration hell hath no fury for these fingertips sometimes. Am I proud of that? Nope. Did I make a difference in the world by my words? Probably not. But I likely did make a difference in someone else's day-and not always in the positive way I normally strive to.

Many of us have found ourselves backed into a corner multiple times on some social media posts because we don’t feel the same way as the person who posted above us-and have argued with 4 more people below us (at 2 am no less when we should be sleeping or online shopping). We slam back with articles and statistics that “back up our points” only to go around and round in a vicious and endless circle. Reminds me of that awful amusement park ride that glued you to the wall and spun for what felt like 22 minutes while the floor dropped out from under you and your face looked like a commercial for the game “Watch ya’ mouth.”

Side note: I personally think the makers of that board game should be shipped off to a special place in hell bc it is Satan's brainchild and likely spread 23 cases of Covid alone.

Kids: "Well that was fun and gross (drops plastic piece of shit into the box or on the table and starts to walk away).

Me: "Um. Is that where that goes?"

Kids: (Blank stare that signals DUH)

Me: (Equally blank stare that burns holes into their skull)

Kids: "Oh right. Hey mom can you please take my nasty slobber dripping plastic mouth guard and do whatever it is that you magically do to make sure we have to do little or nothing to survive here? Ok thanksss!" (disappears faster than Mr. Deeds)

Me: (yelling after their shadow) "Sure sweetie. I'll just go throw it in the dishwasher on sanitize mode between the 5 loads of laundry and cleaning up the last mess you made 13 minutes ago. Nothing would give me more joy. Then when it melts against your $42 Hydroflask you had to have bc “EVERYONE ELSE HAS ONE MOM COME ONNNNNNN” I’ll be sure to use the teachable moment to tell you what a waste of money both were in the first place. Ok thanksssss!!"

Speaking of those crumb crunchers...MY MAMAS....what are we teaching them by judging others and literally peering down at strangers with our eyes like daggers behind our floral cheetah masks? We channel that evil Disney queen poised high above on her social media platform way too often in my royal opinion. Or what about that snarky text you sent to your neighbor about a mutual friend bc of her choice to send (or not send) her kids to school this fall?

If there is one thing that unites us all-no matter what our individual households look like-it is safe to assume that we as parents ALL want what’s best for the health and safety of our own little hell hounds. No one questions that. Also safe to assume is the way we achieve that looks different for everyone. Some parents have the flexibility to utilize remote learning practices and will do so with less stress than another. Some have high school aged/almost adults they can confidently leave at home or trust on their own to complete assignments and not eat 64 gummy snacks in one sitting. Some have the patience to spend hours with their elementary students as you both grasp the idea of “new” long division and will gently erase the mistakes over and over and not get frustrated easily. Some do not.

I happen to fall into the latter of the two.

Not gonna sugar rim this martini glass with any "but it’s 1/2 full" my ass one bit-isms. In my world half full means I need a refill. And after this past spring of e-learn with 6 kids-just give me the whole damn bottle. It.was. miserable from 9-5 in this house. While I saw other moms posting about how grateful they were for the time to slow down, I was the one staring at the clock willing it to speed up to hit 5:00 so I could pour a drink at an “acceptable” hour-and it made me feel like a loser. While my daughter rehearsed her famous Hoosier speech for the 14th time with about as much energy as a deflating latex balloon, I was busy looking down popping off the last of my overgrown gel manicure trying to decide if it was a wineeee night or a vodka soda with sparkling water kinda one? For the record: learning this much about Florence Henderson (Carol Brady) would drive anyone to drink...trust me..

But guess what? That doesn’t make me a bad mom. The fact that I wanted to throw the math book against the wall like the Hulk doesn't mean I don't care about their grades or success. It also doesn’t lend me any less invested in their overall health because I decide to send my kids to school in person any more than another mom is labeled as a freak if they choose not to. If you want to channel any inner Little House on the Prairie vibes, clear your calendar and whittle a desk out of the dining room table because you cannot imagine your child going back to school under these conditions-more power to you. I'll lend you my table saw. If you are stocking up on masks and sanitizers and already packing a sack lunch-I'll donate the zip locks. It's not my decision to make FOR you or ABOUT you.

So back off Karen. Take a seat Kevin.

I didn't throw shade on my fellow moms who chose to embrace the slower pace of quarantine or home schooling then and I won't now. Truth be told, I did too in many ways. I usually am running at the pace of the proverbial chicken with it's head chopped off (ps-what a dumb analogy btw) and I was forced to pause. I will never take for granted the gift of the extra snuggles that came with endless movie binging and games of Mafia all 8 of us put down our phones for and played night after night together. For those of you who do like to judge-Mafia is a somewhat calculated game of killing off members in your village/family and using powers of deception to ultimately win. It's rather fantastic and we all love it here at Brady central. We aim to keep it real round here folks and it's much more realistic than fighting over lollipops in Candyland or the deed to Boardwalk place. I meannnn....yawn. ;).

If nothing else, the commitment we have in order to do what's best for the health and safety of our children is something that connects us all. How you achieve that looks different for everyone...just like the unique fingerprint of every family is-and we have to try and trust that we are all doing our best with the hand we are dealt. None of us has the right to pull the almighty "better than you" card from the deck and skip along to the winners circle to claim victory alone just yet.

However, whether you were on team drink or team dance through quarantine (or stumbled somewhere in the middle) to get through it-you did it. You may still be doing it and instead of spending energy trying to knock someone back two spaces-take a breath (in your mask if need be) and play with compassion. I mean, we all deserve a damn crown for the queens and kings we are at this point...so take a bow and pour a glass. I'll be right beside you.

Continued in Part 2.........